The Unforgettable Desire

Since last couple of hours I had been desperately trying to write something but what it should be, I couldn’t figure out. Even though I am sick again, I am sick of writing about my sickness. And now I come across this topic because it’s trending on twitter. As soon as I saw #TheKidInMeWants I knew I can write about this. I have a ‘To-Do’ list since the day I saw the movie ‘A Walk to Remember’, obviously because the book speaks of no such list. Before this, there were things that I wanted to do but never listed them under any list. Once started, now it becomes longer every day. The flexibility of the things to do in that list is decided by me obviously without any second thoughts. In the beginning it was full of serious stuffs, like learning guitar, getting into theatre as an artist etc. Now it’s like anything and everything- bungee jumping, sky diving, traffic signal breaking, dancing in rain without another care in the world, lying on the terrace to watch meteor shower with...

The houses were blazing with fire, brighter than the setting sun. The sound of the glasses of the luxurious cars being shattered was echoing in the ears. The shrill shrieks of the women being attacked terrified the soul. The slangs of the men soared in the air. Thugs with cycle chains, iron rods, fire balls, kerosene cans, and butcher’s knife spread everywhere. Families shrunk into the deepest corners of their houses. Some brave men went out to fight for the ladies who were the target of these savages. A few hours ago the place was as good as a well developed locality. Now, it was a jungle of fire and shrieks. Every single person seen was running in order to save his life or his dear ones. The men were killed because they tried to come between the attacker and the victim. The attackers were a large group of wild men, no less than animals, who entered the locality in order to take the soul out of every single girl in her adolescence. Mercilessly they attacked the tender girls who wer...

I wanted my nineteenth birthday to be a really special one, one that I would remember as long as my memory lasts. Little had I known then that this day would bring me some realizations which were in front of me all the while but I simply couldn’t see them! And anyway my birthday wasn’t just special but was awesome. Why? Because of all the fun I had and the lessons I learnt. ‘I, me and myself’ are the magic words As far as I can remember, since the beginning of 2013 I was looking forward to my birthday but I did not want to spend it just by treating the couple of people I know because it is the trend. I am a really bad planner and so I did not think of doing anything on my birthday till the last minute and even the last minute plans failed. I was left all alone on my special day. My parents weren’t around, my friends got sick and my brother was busy with his college’s film festival. I could do anything with that day, it was simply mine- the feeling was awesome. [Expressions...

I see the airplane soaring high in the sky and it brings back the childhood desire to fly; the dreams, the aspirations of my heart come alive as I try to understand the exciting calmness of my mind. The moon and stars again seem fascinating and every passing second I feel my heart beating; the atmosphere within me becomes serene as I figure out what the silence is saying to me. The warmth of the cool summer night I feel and the core of my soul lights up with zeal; the usual turmoil of thoughts is now silenced as once again I rise in love with myself. The voice says that this time it’s going to be big and life is going to change with new dreams; the people around me wouldn’t understand it as there is so much that I feel and so less I speak. The joy that this sangfroid gives me and the excitement and cheer it brings in; the lips are engrossed in a smile beautifully as I now realize that innocence is finding way to maturity. The crazy Weird ME :D ...

A couple of mornings ago, when I was in a hurry to reach college as soon as possible, I got a paper cut which led to continuous bleeding for a few minutes. Reaching college was so important to me that I did not even bother to give it a second look and by the time I saw it again, the blood had dried. The cut was a deep one as compared to others on my finger. Paper cuts are quite familiar and frequent with me.  [:-P] By the end of that day it was still hurting so I thought maybe I should pay some attention to it then with all the works done. One of my hostlers suggested that I should put on a band aid. It would be fine, I said smiling at the thought of band aids. As a child I always wanted a band aid stuck here and there on my body. If I look back then I can proudly say that I have never put on a band aid on my wounds. Yeah! Never at all. ‘I am hurt- spirit applied- wound burn- let it dry by itself’ was a rule applied to me. Source - Google I remember doing stupid thin...

About a month ago I was lying on the bed in the emergency room of the Institute of Liver and Biliary Sciences, Vasant Kunj, Delhi because I happened to be suffering from pancreatitis for the 10 th /11 th time. As usual my parents panicked, especially my father. He couldn’t stop but think ‘Why again?’ My mom though alarmed was calm. She always has been the emotionally stronger person than my father when it comes to my health. My brother saw me in this pancreatic pain for the second time with the memory of the first one fading, or maybe not. He asked me if I was sad about having the attack again. My instant reply was-  “ Why should I be sad? What’s there to be sad about? I have already suffered around 9/10 times and the pain decreases with each attack. It’s not a big deal anymore. As long as I have the pain, I can’t talk or do anything else. But when it subsides I am happier than I normally am. I am so used to it that if I don’t have it in three to six months, it seems unusua...

Eight months ago- "I am neither getting into a medical college nor am I going to drop a year for its preparation! I did not study in last 2years, so, what makes you think I will open the biology book again after all these months. I think I would be doing English Honors now." Friend No. 1 - "You're interested in reading and writing so English seems good for you but no matter what it is, thinking of changing the stream from Science to Arts is such a shameful thought. I mean if you do so, what was the profit of reading PCB? I can't think of it.  Log kya kahenge?" Friend No. 2- " Oye majak hai kya?  You read biology for 2years and now you are talking of English? What the hell are you thinking?" Friend No. 3- "What? English? HAHAHA. You're opting for medical, isn't it? English? HAHAHA " Friend No. 4- "What are you going to do after graduation then? Be a teacher? LOL" Relatives- "You're our only ...

Joey-Phoebe-Ross-Monica-Chandler-Rachel! Barney-Robin-Ted-Marshal-Lily! Harry-Hermione-Ron! And on and on and on. . . Can a guy and a girl be friends? My theory- A guy and a girl can be best friends as long as a confusing 'why' erupts in one's brain eventually finding it's way to the heart. "When something amazing happens, he is the first one she wants to tell. He is not afraid to tell her when she is with a wrong guy. He is the first one she calls when things are going wrong. He is the first one there when she needs a shoulder to cry on. Her friends wonder why they're not together yet. He knows when things aren't right. He knows her PMS days and makes sure to annoy her the least then. He makes fun of the romantic or the mind boggling novels she reads but still respects her passion for reading. He is amazing in every single way and treats her better than any other guy will ever do. Every girl wants him but she has him." ...

"What's your name?" "Akankshya" "What's your caste?" "I'm sorry?" "You eat idli sambhar every day?" "No, why should i?" "You're a South Indian na?" "No, I am not." "Oh..ok, which state are you from then?" "Orissa" "It's in South." "No, it's not among the South Indian states!" "Ok" Jagriti Vihar(MCL, Sambalpur), a place where I have spent around 16 years of my life before coming to Delhi. In that place I have seen people from most of the regions, religions, caste and creed. I have seen the fairest of a face to the darkest. I have celebrated all kinds of festivals from Lohri to Teej to Pongal which we, as Odia people do not actually celebrate. The only reason why we did so was because we were in Jagriti Vihar. As far as I know, every child who has been in JV never wants to leave the place. When someone became my f...

When I look back into the past, I see myself praising the after effects of leukemia or describing how leukemia affected my life from a positive point of view. Every single word that I have ever told/written in the past is true. However there were times when I used to romanticize the past but that wasn't often. If you ask me how I felt during the cancer and it's treatment then I do not certainly know how to answer. I know what happened to me but now the memories are blurred. So I choose to talk about the effect it had on me and my life or how it changed my life. But there's this one thing I never talked about. I probably had known about it all the while but hadn't really realized that along with the positive part comes at least a bit of negativity. True, leukemia gave me a lot of things in life which I did not have 5 years ago. But there's this one thing that I lost within me... PASSION. Till my 14th revolution around the sun, I had a lot of passion to do someth...

Now ask any girl in any part of the world, if they want long, smooth, silky and straight hairs or not; the answer can never be a no. Of all the girls/women, I have never been the one to complain about the type of hair I have, why? Because I have been blessed with straight and silky hair not only once but twice! Now you want to know the story of my hair then you can read it here .As a kid, after the Johnson’s’ baby products I remember using Sunsilk on my hair. My mom has been a believer of Sunslik being the best shampoo for it is old and she has used it for a long time. So the belief shifted from my mom to me. Given the fact that I always had straight hair, I never had to think about ways to make it any better. Now, staying in a hostel I see many girls running down to the parlors to straighten their hair just before the fresher’s party, or any special occasion. Here are a couple of ways that my friends have used in last few months: Pressing- It was hard for me to believe that ...

Two years and ten days ago I read 'The Notebook' for the first time and then re-read it on 14 June 2012. I did not read it again because I loved the story but because I wanted to find out why women dreamed about being with a man like Noah Calhoun. Re-reading did me no good for I still could not understand the mystery of the women's mind/heart. Anyway I came across Nicholas Sparks in April 2010 when a friend of mine suggested me to read the first book written by him, The Notebook. Neither had I had any idea about Nicholas Sparks nor what he wrote about. I asked my father to order the book online but it wasn't available in any of the sites. Even after placing an order, I had to wait for months to read it as it was being imported.I had expected it to be a huge lengthy book but it turned out to be a tiny one, given the fact that I had read the Harry Potter series recently.  Because I ordered my first Nicholas Sparks book, my father started ordering the others too for ...

More than once I have tried to write another entry about my Leukemia in past few months but haven’t been successful. I found a couple of excuses for my failure- no regular access to laptop/PC at nights during my semester and a pretty bad writing speed with paper-pen. In the end I come to the conclusion that I hate – my memories have started to fade and I’m just not ready to let it all go. So I try and I fail. “It’s like anything bad or scary happens, when you finish it or get through it you’re so relieved you forgot how terrifying it was or how miserable you were and you want to do it again, or you just remember the good parts, or you tell yourself it’s helped you get to the new part of yourself.”                                                ...

November 3, 2012 – One of my childhood buddies says in a phone conversation that I have become boring and I smile admitting it. I wish I were hurt but I wasn’t. I knew exactly what he was talking about. There’s always something wrong when a 24*7 chatter box slows down suddenly but there’s nothing wrong if the same happens over a period of time, or so I would like to think just to avoid the endless number of questions in my mind. I was the kind of girl who would never let anyone speak as long as what I want to say isn’t out of me. Today, I am the girl who wouldn’t speak even when there’s a need to speak. People who haven’t talked to me in a while and have known me since long would be shocked. It’s really hard to believe that I talk less these days but no matter what this is the truth. It’s the reality which is hard to accept even for me. It’s not only in terms of talking but also in terms of being an extrovert. Again, I used to be the girl who used to step in home because she had...

Once upon a time not long ago, we were in love or at least we thought so. Our story did not start with hatred, it was simply friendship at its best. Friends we were then, friends we are now, or we just console ourselves by saying so. In between somehow love crossed our paths, and the feeling of first love arose in our hearts. Our love wasn't ever biased or partial, it never had any place for betrayal. Not was anybody ignored by us, but we could not control what others thought. We were sure that our love would last forever, but alas! every story has to have a conclusion. It was a sad ending, everyone said, distance, impatience and I were to blame. Still we continued to fight and talk, the break up never seemed the way it should have been though. Awkward silence always filled the space, Yet we continued to try and share. Our ending always seemed incomplete, I thought, a last meeting is all that we need. Misunderstand...

As I sit here thinking about my life I look into the distance and realize change isn't just hovering over me Winter too is overtaking autumn, I can see. The soothing breeze is now chilly And the thoughts in my mind hazy Life seems all messed up through my smudgy eyes which also wonder about the changing sky. Winter they say marks the end -conclusion of the year, life as well. If only the confused soul of mine could get -the solace of being clarified- things could turn out in a different way. Like the wintry weather are the insides of me People would call it the effect of being lonely Assuming  is something they always like It's my choice to be alone, they recite Having loved winter since the days of fantasy for the cozy warm moments of cuddling as a kid now in the cusp of adulthood I see winter as lonesome as me. Lost are the moments of giggling and laughing Now emotions are as dry as fallen leaves. Longing is...

What do you do when your roommates ask you to visit some place with them; when one of your school mates is suddenly in your city; when you have a bloggers' meet to attend on the very same day ??? I do not know what you would have chosen but I chose to be at Pantene Nature Fusion Women's Indiblogger meet on Sunday, October 14, 2012 at ITC Sheraton. Being new in the heart of India, Delhi, I wasn't sure if I could attend the meet alone. (I attended the first bloggers' meet with my brother.) I was nervous because I am not quite good at interacting with people I don't actually know but still I made my way to ITC Sheraton at 11.30AM. I entered the hall and was greeted with the sweet smiles from the Indiblogger team. I am not sure how but yes that made me feel a bit relaxed. After registering myself I joined Aparajita, Moumita, Priyanka, Priti, Pooja; all of them attending the meet for the first time. And then the conversation followed starting from what's your ...