The Unforgettable Desire

‘Back then happiness was a choice because reciprocation wasn’t a necessity.’ It took me a re-reading of a few treasured books from my teenage collection to come to this conclusion. Also the readings made me realize how badly I had misjudged the books when I was 17. I am simply happy about the fact that the one book I had loved the most in those years remains my favorite in its own way even today. Back then I saw it merely as a story of love lost and found and lost again. But today when I finished the book, The Best of Me had a lot more to it than love.  Beyond the love story of the protagonists, it served as a reminder of the importance of human relationships and the purpose of one’s life in reality. In my previous reading, I had not noticed how much importance was given to the surname of the characters which ultimately decided their fate. The struggle in the capitalist world though vaguely mentioned was there nonetheless. Even though love story is what Nicholas Sparks...

Amusing it is how we do not accept reality because our mind has woven lies and fantasies since the time we started understanding language. The good night tales, the fairy tales are the ones we are made to listen. The clichéd concept of good over evil forms the base of everything in our mind. We look for good endings, just like the ones where the fox is dead in the ‘Little Red Riding Hood’, where Cinderella finds her prince charming, where sleeping beauty wakes up and the witches always meet the bad end. Somehow these stories spoiled us. I am not saying good over evil isn’t true but aren’t the concepts of good and evil as delusional as that of day and night? As a kid more than often I wondered about getting married to the love of my life and have my happily ever after. What I did not know then was that there is no happily ever after. And love of my life? This is probably the biggest lie little girls grow up with. No, I am not heartbroken. But I still do not believe in it. Life is ...

How many people have lectured you to shut your laptop/smart phone for a while and go out and have fun? How many videos have you seen in last couple of years showing what we lose when we indulge ourselves in the virtual world? How many times have you felt that your childhood was awesome when you played hide and seek instead of Candy Crush or Subway Surfer or Flappy Birds? How many times did you see your siblings play FIFA ’14 and wonder that they won’t know how it feels to play in the dirt? How many acquaintances/so-called friends have asked you that why internet is so important? Why can’t you just go out and hang out with people? I am sure that the people of my age group have certainly come across these questions so many times that like me they do not bother to keep the count. I am an active person in the social networking sites. In my real life, I am tagged as a strictly boring person who wouldn’t get out of her virtual world. Yes, I am one of those who lives two different lives...

I was probably six or seven when I hawed for the first time listening to I LOVE YOU in my classroom. Love then was not a word for children of my age to use, or so I thought. I love you was for the grownups, who have boyfriends and girlfriends. Love was for movies. And my tender little mind weaved the late nineties and early twenties bollywood scenes featuring the love of my life and me. Unaware of the feeling, love still seemed familiar since forever. I was twelve when a couple of my girl friends and I would meet explicitly to discuss that kiss we saw in the movie, that intercourse which happened inside the sheets, those uncensored pictures in the internet and so on. Believe it or not, giggling was our new profession. Surprised by the boldness of my friends compared to the shy person that I was, I was intrigued by things they said which initially seemed gross but always gave me a tingling sensation. It wasn’t till another year when I was made aware of that thing called lust. ...

 “Promise is promise. Everything cannot be defined.” “Saying something to make the other person believe.” “Something in which you happily commit to do something no matter what happens.” “Words to provide a sense of trust.” "Something that's meant to be fulfilled." “Promise is something that is made to show love to someone.” And so replied a few of my close friends when I asked, what is a promise according to you? What is a promise according to me? It is a piece of crap that people feed each other when things start to screw up. NO. Not really. This is how I see the word being used around me. What is a promise according to me? Instead of using my own words, I would quote the best answer that I received in my little survey, “Something you should not go back on. And something you should be very miser about. Not to be made to anyone and everyone.”   [I am quoting this woman for the second time on my blog, I am sure she is happy about it.] This i...

The cut. The pain. The blood. The wind. The rain. The hurricane. The fury. The rage. The torture. The spite. The blame. The cavalier. The cry. The wail. The numbness. The mind. The trap. The lost. The mother. The friend. The helpless. The past. The present. The fidget. The eye. The fright. The emptiness. The foot. The step. The fallen. The wrath. The clutch. The chaser. The frail. The fleer. The chased. The grief. The loss. The misunderstood. The care. The effort. The apathy. The failure. The pity. The unworthy. The confusion. The fog. The darkness. The words. The soul. The solace. Image Source- Google

Fickle minded, thought she. Was it? Sometimes the answer is so obvious. Everyone sees it. And so did she. But she did not stop hovering over the question. Because the answer she got was the one she always dreaded. And she kept looking for the answer that suited her best. Then, she started living a lie. A lie, that camouflaged every second considering her mental state. Yes. Perhaps. Fickle minded after all. Stable, thought she. Was it? The lips aren’t excessively glossy. The eyes are not red and do not need the perfect shade to hide the puffiness. The dark circles did find their way to smudge with the skin without any shimmering beige. The blush was thrown away as the cheeks colored themselves with the natural shade of pink. The brow finely plucked with the hair let down. The laughter added the final tint to the face and the roving eye did not wander. For once, she stopped living the lie and embraced the truth which after all wasn’t as dreadful as she thought. Yes....

I am scared. Fear brings the best in you out, I have heard. The fear of losing people and the fear of taking second chances have been my greatest fears for a long while now. Friendship is my greatest weakness. Promise isn’t the word I fancy; I have issues with the concept that follows. Easier it is to deal with a damaged soul than the healing one. Pain is a feeling familiar, pleasure is hard to digest. Commitments I try to make not. Love I try to stay away from but once into it, I cannot pull away. Nothing changes my mind but I will take the bend in the road for someone I love way too much. Loving isn’t my forte, I do not know how to use it. My story isn’t about loving everyone; it is always about loving someone way too hard! Moving on I am slow at. There is everything and nothing I can do about it. If I could, I would stop and smile. The curve is easy to make, easier to fake. Taking risks, baiting my life to death is fun fo...

Scattered thoughts, piled up emotions, unsaid words, unheard pleas, silent screams, loud whispers, gambled heart, caged mind, broken bonds. Random words probably mean nothing, nothing at all. Or maybe they tell an entirely different story at once. You know something is wrong if you’re working continuously but not working at all. It doesn’t matter what people around you say or feel. You’re occupied with a vision. A vision of the life you always dreamt of living but you cannot. You dreamt of being a free bird that could fly wherever it wants, wherever the need be. But now you find yourself in a cage. You struggle harder everyday to break the bars and fly out into the azure sky, you can’t. You cannot survive but you have to. You do not want to die so you need to breathe. Your dream is what keeps your heart pumping; it is hard to get what you want. You may be killed in the process but you will die with the satisfaction that you did whatever it took to turn your dream into reality. Bu...

Anything that you believe in cannot be wrong. It may seem wrong to the people around you but the way you see it, it’s perfect. Even if it is a belief in a fairy tale ending in the 21 st century. Nothing is stamped as universally right or wrong. And if you strongly believe in something, you’re not wrong. People around you may call you stupid and foolish to believe in something that they don’t think is real. But it doesn’t matter. Because you think that they are the ones who are foolish to not believe in the beautiful thing you believe in. I may not believe in marriages yet but I do believe in love, soul mates. When I say soul mates I do not mean someone you fall in love with and grow old together and remain with each other even in the graves. Who then is a soul mate according to me?  I would take the help of Elizabeth Gilbert ’s words which I strongly believe in… “People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a ...

Sometimes some emotions grow with such intensity within you that they drive your mind crazy. They wouldn’t let you live. They occupy every breath, every thought, and every cell of your body that even your soul seems to be captivated by them. The emotions show up in the movie that you see, in the book that you read, in the person you meet, in the things that you hold. The more you try to hide them, the more obvious they become. All of a sudden it seems that they rule your brain. It is so frustrating that in the end it is anger that drives all your actions. The more you ignore them, the more they tend to cling to you. The more you deny them, the more intense they get. The moment you accept them, they seem to fade away. Feelings! It is the way they are, quite similar to humans. They can be natural, forced, conspired or provoked. Certain feelings no matter how good they make you feel seem to have developed within you at a time which is not quite appropriate. You do not know what ...

It is kind of devastating when a random person walks up to you and speaks the truth you were running away from. How can a person spending most of the time of the day with you not know your insecurities but a stranger gets it. It shatters you. You thought that you had been doing your part well. You thought that no one knows what’s within you but then suddenly out of nowhere a stranger comes and asks you to answer honestly if you’re happy with yourself or not. And no matter how much you laugh in the front your face then shows the truth. You can’t meet their eyes because you’re afraid that the beans will be spilled. Or worse, you may just have an emotional break down or an outburst. Everything that you had kept hidden within you may just be found out. It’s devastating to know that your mask failed you and you did not play it well. Everything you were running away from surrounds you from every single direction leaving no space for you to breathe, to let the sunshine in. It is dark and yo...