The Unforgettable Desire

A man sitting on my seat offered to get up when he saw me undecided - should I ask him to get up or simply climb up the side upper berth?   I took the book that I was reading out of my backpack as he began to get up. As we stood side by side for a few seconds, he asked me, "What are you reading?" I showed him my copy of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie's Americanah . He tried to read the author's name and perhaps, failed. He returned the book with a look that made his friend chuckle. I wanted to tell him, it's a Nigerian name. I wanted to tell him that the title of the book is what Nigerians tend to call people who move to America, something like Amriki or Amrika-wale as we Indians might say in Hindi. I didn't want to explain without being asked, which was quite unusual for my ever-explaining self. Later in the evening, as I climbed up to the upper berth, allowing my co-passenger to have the lower berth all to himself, I wondered about the former moment. I bega...

Ray, P. (1995). Yajnaseni (15 ed.). (P. Bhattacharya, Trans.) New Delhi: Rupa Publications India Pvt . Ltd. Pratibha Ray’s Yajnaseni ― an epistolary novel, beginning at the end and ending at the beginning ― tells the tale of the most complex epic of all times by turning the victim into a survivor, by bringing the marginal woman to the centre. Draupadi is perhaps a character who has carried the weight of every single patriarchal injustice towards women. The beautiful dark-skinned princess born from a sacrificial fire with the purpose of establishing dharma on Earth had been a victim of male gaze, lust, arrogance and ego, beginning from the Kauravas to Pandavas. “Despite someone else being the root of all causes, they emptied the entire cup of blame on my head and went away – leaving me thus at death’s door. (2)” Yajnaseni , retells the Mahabharata from the perspective of Krishnaa. It is her story of womanhood, for she follows every act of Dharma - of being a wife divide...

The first novel that I read was Chetan Bhagat’s One Night @ the Call Centre . The first novel series that I read was Stephenie Meyer's  Twilight Saga . After that, I mostly read Nicholas Sparks and disliked Erich Segal. I read Ann Brashares’ Sisterhood series, Sarah Dessen’s The Truth About Forever , and Cecelia Ahern's books that made my teenage easy to bear. Harry Potter books happened to me only because I did not understand what happened in the movie - Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince . I had read Harry Potter and the   Philosopher’s Stone as a kid. It was an utter pain to read such a thick book with tiny alphabets back then. Eventually, I was embarrassed of the books that marked the beginning of my reading habit. I was embarrassed only because people saw those books in a derogatory light. After a few years of public comments on my book choices, I did begin to ask people if they had read those books. The answer usually was, no. It was then that I stood up for ...

Big round eyes popping out through a thick pair of glasses, an ear to ear smile, a long pony tail, and chubby cheeks. That was a munchkin of happiness thrown her way. Dragged to a family picnic on a sunny December morning in a tiny city of Maharashtra, Avni spent her time faking smiles and Namaste at women her mother introduced her to. “Could I have had a better time in this alien territory?”, thought Avni. She had spent twenty long years in one place, and didn’t see the fun in shifting to a new place. Oh, wait! It’s an old place, new to her. Duh uh!

It began with a ‘Hi’. No, I think it began with a concern. ‘Whose kid is he, walking on the boundary wall?  How can parents leave kids at that? I hope he doesn’t fall.’ He jumped inside, my heart skipped a beat. I reminded my scared self, kids don’t develop the sense of fear so early. I let a short laughter out loud. I cannot jump from two feet height on to the ground now. In my musing, I forgot that I was still looking in the direction of the kid. He had seen his stalker by then. He waved. I ignored. I went back to chopping vegetables. It was noon already and lunch was yet to be prepared. I looked up through the window, he was right there waving with a big smile. This time, I smiled back. I ran through the kitchen, assembling ingredients and vessels. Then I heard a ‘Hi’. I saw  across the window. I did not reply. I was chopping bitter gourd by then. I stopped and stared; I looked up, smiled, and said ‘Hi’. I saw him jump in glee. He went up the wall, walked, and jumped....

Have you ever talked to people? “Oh, you’re a Potterhead? Isn’t it the best series, like ever!” -           No. “But I thought you are a Harry Potter fan.”             Yes, I love the Harry Potter series dearly.             It gave me my role model before I entered my teens.             Many life lessons within the story divided into seven.             But have you ever looked into the tales that came before?             It came at the right time for the kids of the 90s             But that doesn’t make it the best, when you can’t even define ‘ever’.

‘Always.’ It has probably become the new definition of ‘love, no matter what’ and certainly, of the unrequited love. It has been the most romantic word ever since the ‘Prince’s Tale’ was seen in the pensieve. Yes, the story was soul stirring. But she believes that the word has been exploited. Unlike the ones smitten with it, she wonders about the question it answered. How touching can an ‘Always’ be, if there is no one to ask, ‘After all this time?’

On 16 th morning, I booked my tickets for the First Day First Show of Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them at Prasads, Large Screen (IMAX, Hyderabad). And since then I haven’t been calm. No, not even as I am writing this. I was almost sure that my yearslong dream won’t come true as my internal exams were scheduled for 18 th November. But a last minute postponement gave me the idea that, I was so meant to watch the very first show of the movie!

Being born in a family of book lovers, I was taught not to judge a book by its cover at an early stage. So I didn’t. Instead I judged the book by how its contents looked. For example, if the book does not have colorful pictures or large font, then it simply wasn’t my type. I held no fascination for novels, I was happy in my little world of Tinkle, Amar Chitra Katha Comics, Pinky, Chacha Chaudhury etc. The first novel that I finally dared to read with its small font, at the age of 13, was One Night@ The Call Centre . Since then I have taken pride in saying that I did not have a good start into the world of novels and do not let anyone convince me otherwise. The journey then on must have been good enough because now I wait desperately to lay my hands on the tiny fonts of my Literature books without any prejudices.

“When you try your best, but you don’t succeed When you get what you want, but not what you need…” She broke down in the middle of the road, managed to drag her body to the pavement by the side. The passersby saw the tears that streamed down her face. And the voice on the other side of the phone said, why do you always need someone to be there for you? She wanted to shout out loud, because I am failing to pull myself together on my own. I am trying. But I can’t. Instead she stayed mum. People had always tagged her brave and strong. People still do. But even the strongest heart has its secrets.

"When she was just a girl she expected the world..." Lost in the world of her teenage love, the beautiful love that did not last long, she listened to the 'Paradise' that stole her heart. She knew how much she has grown as a person in the last six years, she knew what it is to fall in love. It isn't about hearts and roses. It is about responsibilities, compromises, understanding and a lot more without losing one's own individuality. She never got into a relationship again. At times she did want to, but she couldn't gather the courage to get someone else involved in her life when she was a total disaster. 

As she looked towards her left, she saw him approaching her from the corner of the street. At the sight of him, she smiled. Blushed in fact. Her anger from the previous night was gone. She couldn’t recall a single word from the lecture she had mentally prepared and rehearsed, in an attempt to explain him where the two of them were wrong in their latest argument. But there she was, unable to control the hormones that danced at the sight of him.