The Unforgettable Desire

Exams. I love the preparation leave for exams. The mind is under so much pressure and yet the creative aspects flower the best during this time. The pressure of getting to know the syllabus, of finding the texts online, of making a time table, of failing to study, of being tired of trying to study can be really really frustrating. The mind looks for escapes. The mind conjures all the stagnant creative powers of the entire semester and puts it in one direction, be it a really nice status update, a few sketches, poetry, or even cooking. And trust me, people are in almost always in a disbelief that you, yes you, actually did any of it.

I was probably six or seven when I hawed for the first time listening to I LOVE YOU in my classroom. Love then was not a word for children of my age to use, or so I thought. I love you was for the grownups, who have boyfriends and girlfriends. Love was for movies. And my tender little mind weaved the late nineties and early twenties bollywood scenes featuring the love of my life and me. Unaware of the feeling, love still seemed familiar since forever. I was twelve when a couple of my girl friends and I would meet explicitly to discuss that kiss we saw in the movie, that intercourse which happened inside the sheets, those uncensored pictures in the internet and so on. Believe it or not, giggling was our new profession. Surprised by the boldness of my friends compared to the shy person that I was, I was intrigued by things they said which initially seemed gross but always gave me a tingling sensation. It wasn’t till another year when I was made aware of that thing called lust. ...

I am scared. Fear brings the best in you out, I have heard. The fear of losing people and the fear of taking second chances have been my greatest fears for a long while now. Friendship is my greatest weakness. Promise isn’t the word I fancy; I have issues with the concept that follows. Easier it is to deal with a damaged soul than the healing one. Pain is a feeling familiar, pleasure is hard to digest. Commitments I try to make not. Love I try to stay away from but once into it, I cannot pull away. Nothing changes my mind but I will take the bend in the road for someone I love way too much. Loving isn’t my forte, I do not know how to use it. My story isn’t about loving everyone; it is always about loving someone way too hard! Moving on I am slow at. There is everything and nothing I can do about it. If I could, I would stop and smile. The curve is easy to make, easier to fake. Taking risks, baiting my life to death is fun fo...

In my one year stay as a paying guest, there hadn’t been a month when I did not say that I was broke. My roommate and I joked about how we spent most of our pocket money in the first half of the month and then spent it as less as possible because we always ran out of it. She was the one who believed in saving some part of the money every month and I was the one who believed in ‘spending everything here and now.’ Those days were fun and I never actually ran out of all the money! Even if I had just 10 bucks in my wallet I knew I could get 1000 bucks or more out from the next ATM on my way. And then a couple of days back, I lost my wallet! That, my friend, you call the moment of really being broke. That day one of my classmates lost her wallet in the bus, a week before that my ex-roommate lost her wallet too. So I thought that I should be extra careful while travelling in buses or maybe I will be the next person without her wallet. Guess what! Being extra careful actually made my wa...

The boy next door when I was four Has been around always   Doesn’t matter where he went He would pass by my door Peeping in for me to join We were friends since then Hitting each other on the face Singing the songs out of tune Hitting plans together Never had we some rest Unless we put someone in trouble The boy next door When I was easy to lure Stood by my side just in case Doesn’t matter where I went He would call me up Just to know that I am safe We were friends even then Arguing about our mates Dancing in the rain Planning dates together Never really doing our best Unless we want to piss each other off The boy next door When my heart was dead Held me tight in his arms Doesn’t matter where we went He would make me laugh Slowly healing all my pain We never stopped being friends Loving each other in the end Walking around being insane Having all the fun together Never seriously giving a da...

It’s been a couple of days that I have been asking myself, how did I survive those months without music? May be it was last September- November, when I actually stopped listening to songs, even if I did hear them I didn’t enjoy them. I have been a music person since early years of childhood. I remember playing music CDs throughout the day during my school holidays. I solved the algebraic problems, linear equations, trigonometry etc with soft music playing in the background. The times when I couldn’t listen to the songs, I would hum to myself. Music was a necessity in my life as a kid. As a teenager, it treated me well enough. Ear phones tugged in, volume up and forget the world. I spent most of my years this way. It is always the music that first attracts me in a song and then the lyrics. If I can relate to the lyrics then of course the song ends up in my favorites list. When I couldn’t sleep at night, when I was depressed beyond expression music gave me comfort, being th...

I have been an ardent Bollywood buff since the early days of childhood. Movies, songs, thumkes have always been my life. ‘I will fight for a movie; I will cry for a movie. It’s over midnight and I have to wake up for school at 5 in the morning but I will not leave the movie in between.’ Ten years or more it has been and nothing has changed; apart from the “type” of Bollywood movies of course. Born in last decade of 90’s I am the girl who loves both the late 20 th and early 21 st century movies. You get it, I completely love Bollywood and the movies I claim were enchanting in the past. Also, I believe somewhere between the charisma of Rajesh Khanna and Ranbir Kapoor, the charm of the old films is lost in today’s Rowdiness and Dabangg andaaz! Barfi stole my heart though. I did not really intend to write about my love for the Bollywood but about a Bollywood movie which has been my favorite for years now. I was probably 11 or 12 when I saw Anand for the first time. I wasn’t reall...

I know I love to watch the little drops falling apart from the clouds that blanket the clean sky. I know I love the chilling wind that makes the droplets sprinkle on me as I carelessly sip cappuccino sitting in my balcony. I know I always want to dance like a duck in the rain.              I know that my confused thoughts lead towards clarity at a much faster rate than normal, when it pours. I know I always want to hold the drops forever that fall on my palm. But I hate rain! I know I hate it when my clothes get drenched while I am going somewhere and carrying an umbrella never helps ME. I know I hate the little worms, centipedes, insects that crawl everywhere I step. I know I hate the mud puddles where my feet get stuck and the dirty water enters my shoes making it sound “pach pach pach” as I walk. I know that I could never understand why people are crazy about the smell of “Geeli Mitti.” ...

Unlike all the ‘Food/Beverages’ pages from your FB account. Block every friend who either uploads the pictures of homemade mouth watering delicacies or simply makes a status update. Empty your frozen stocks of chocolate/chocolate related products as soon as possible or in fact eat/drink it in one go. [no more Bournevilles :’( ] Throw away all the cooking oil so that nothing at all can be fried in the kitchen. Avoid going to vegetable market for you may see carrots which can be injurious for your brain as it instantly pictures “Gaajar ka halwa” There’s no saying that you can’t go to sweet vendors for the few sweets that you actually like. Avoid going to your friend’s place for there you may be served samoses, jalebis, burfies etc! No momos, no Aloo tikkis, no Dahi bhalle or chowmein in the evening. Your friends now celebrate for they now have to treat one person less on any occasion. And travelling on the roads of Delhi is strictly banned for you ca...

  Because I have built walls around my heart. So even if someone starts getting close to me they cannot penetrate through the walls as I have used Ambuja cement. [:-P] And if by any chance I get a proposal, I am angry about it. So you see, NO chance!   Because I cannot imagine falling in love, not that it is something to imagine but still ‘Me in Love' is the joke of my life and I can really laugh about it for hours. In fact I have been laughing for a long while now. [Hopeless Romantic of all times.]   Because even though it was for a short time period but I had the best relationship which had no demands, no expectations, and no complaints. When they started arising, the relationship ended. [:-P] Because I cannot tolerate any kind of dominance and the ones I see these days, ‘Why do you upload your photo on FB’ ‘Deactivate your account’ ‘You can’t talk to other guys’ ‘you can’t click a photo with them because you’re with me’ 'blah blah blah'  are ...

The fact that I have been calling myself a ‘hopeless romantic’ since three years doesn’t change the other fact that I keep falling in love every now and then.  I do not remember who my first love was but I guess it started with Shah Rukh’s romantic movies. Yes, I am a complete bollywood freak. Since childhood I dreamed of having a super dramatic + romantic love story, like most of the girls do. But then my mom always kept reminding me that life on the idiot box/ big screen is not even near to the real life and that is why people love watching them. It’s an escape from reality. I took my time to realize this. Dr. Armaan Mallick, the small screen heartthrob of most of the girls, ruled in my dreams for around three years. My parents almost made him their son-in-law seeing my madness. There are many more characters I fall in love with. And even in this respect I couldn’t leave the books behind. Most of the male protagonists of Nicholas Sparks books make you wish to...

Since last couple of hours I had been desperately trying to write something but what it should be, I couldn’t figure out. Even though I am sick again, I am sick of writing about my sickness. And now I come across this topic because it’s trending on twitter. As soon as I saw #TheKidInMeWants I knew I can write about this. I have a ‘To-Do’ list since the day I saw the movie ‘A Walk to Remember’, obviously because the book speaks of no such list. Before this, there were things that I wanted to do but never listed them under any list. Once started, now it becomes longer every day. The flexibility of the things to do in that list is decided by me obviously without any second thoughts. In the beginning it was full of serious stuffs, like learning guitar, getting into theatre as an artist etc. Now it’s like anything and everything- bungee jumping, sky diving, traffic signal breaking, dancing in rain without another care in the world, lying on the terrace to watch meteor shower with...

A couple of mornings ago, when I was in a hurry to reach college as soon as possible, I got a paper cut which led to continuous bleeding for a few minutes. Reaching college was so important to me that I did not even bother to give it a second look and by the time I saw it again, the blood had dried. The cut was a deep one as compared to others on my finger. Paper cuts are quite familiar and frequent with me.  [:-P] By the end of that day it was still hurting so I thought maybe I should pay some attention to it then with all the works done. One of my hostlers suggested that I should put on a band aid. It would be fine, I said smiling at the thought of band aids. As a child I always wanted a band aid stuck here and there on my body. If I look back then I can proudly say that I have never put on a band aid on my wounds. Yeah! Never at all. ‘I am hurt- spirit applied- wound burn- let it dry by itself’ was a rule applied to me. Source - Google I remember doing stupid thin...

About a month ago I was lying on the bed in the emergency room of the Institute of Liver and Biliary Sciences, Vasant Kunj, Delhi because I happened to be suffering from pancreatitis for the 10 th /11 th time. As usual my parents panicked, especially my father. He couldn’t stop but think ‘Why again?’ My mom though alarmed was calm. She always has been the emotionally stronger person than my father when it comes to my health. My brother saw me in this pancreatic pain for the second time with the memory of the first one fading, or maybe not. He asked me if I was sad about having the attack again. My instant reply was-  “ Why should I be sad? What’s there to be sad about? I have already suffered around 9/10 times and the pain decreases with each attack. It’s not a big deal anymore. As long as I have the pain, I can’t talk or do anything else. But when it subsides I am happier than I normally am. I am so used to it that if I don’t have it in three to six months, it seems unusua...

Two years and ten days ago I read 'The Notebook' for the first time and then re-read it on 14 June 2012. I did not read it again because I loved the story but because I wanted to find out why women dreamed about being with a man like Noah Calhoun. Re-reading did me no good for I still could not understand the mystery of the women's mind/heart. Anyway I came across Nicholas Sparks in April 2010 when a friend of mine suggested me to read the first book written by him, The Notebook. Neither had I had any idea about Nicholas Sparks nor what he wrote about. I asked my father to order the book online but it wasn't available in any of the sites. Even after placing an order, I had to wait for months to read it as it was being imported.I had expected it to be a huge lengthy book but it turned out to be a tiny one, given the fact that I had read the Harry Potter series recently.  Because I ordered my first Nicholas Sparks book, my father started ordering the others too for ...