Illuminating Realizations ;-)

I wanted my nineteenth birthday to be a really special one, one that I would remember as long as my memory lasts. Little had I known then that this day would bring me some realizations which were in front of me all the while but I simply couldn’t see them! And anyway my birthday wasn’t just special but was awesome. Why? Because of all the fun I had and the lessons I learnt.

‘I, me and myself’ are the magic words

As far as I can remember, since the beginning of 2013 I was looking forward to my birthday but I did not want to spend it just by treating the couple of people I know because it is the trend. I am a really bad planner and so I did not think of doing anything on my birthday till the last minute and even the last minute plans failed. I was left all alone on my special day. My parents weren’t around, my friends got sick and my brother was busy with his college’s film festival. I could do anything with that day, it was simply mine- the feeling was awesome. [Expressions similar to that of Harry when he says that the elder wand is his] To live a day for ME isn’t something I go looking for. I did what I wanted to, I went where I felt like, I ate what I loved, and I lived for myself without a thought to another person!

Let go of the past

I never hid the fact that I am slow at moving on. In fact I never felt like moving on from the moments that I loved in the past, the people who were involved. I wasn’t afraid of moving on but of losing people I love. I tried my best to hold on to some people but well, now I let them go because I realize that no matter how much I try, the effort needs to be two-sided.  And surprisingly, it didn’t hurt at all. May be after all the trials they had just become a mere habit of mine.

People you love make you happy

I am not sure if I am right when I say so, but yes their happiness makes you happy. It was my birthday and my brother was busy with his film festival. It hurt, it pained but in the end it was worth it. When I saw him being called on the stage with the other organizers I was on the verge of crying. I knew my brother was happy beyond words and so was I. In usual case, I would have thought that he stole my thunder but then and there all I knew was that it was ‘The Big Day’ of his life. My birthday was forgotten. The moment when I rushed on to the stage to congratulate him and he finally wished me ‘Happy Birthday’ was like the ‘THE’ moment. It couldn’t be any better 

From his blog-

“At the end of two day event when our director called us, the entire First Frame team, on stage to be applauded for the work we had done, I couldn't control my emotions. I told everyone who would listen Humne First Frame ko revive kar diya and probably there weren’t many people who could understand what this simple statement meant. Having accomplished successfully what had been my reason for joining MBICEM three years ago, having done something huge and something which nobody else had been able to do, having dared to achieve the so-called impossible- it feels great. Somehow, the feeling of being content and happy, of having accomplished something grand, fails to catch hold of me although it’s been 4 whole days since it all came to an end.” 

Need of aim in life

As I said earlier, I had been attending my brother’s college’s film festival First Frame 2013. I had seen him working madly for the event. He did not have time to talk properly for four months. No matter how much I tried to understand, in some tiny little corner I got angry. When I saw all the students involved in the festival after it ended, I could feel the hollowness in their lives. It’s been months that they had been working on one single project and now it’s over even though completely successful. At that moment I felt how important it is to have an aim, if not long term then short term. Since then I have been feeling a great hole in my life. There should be something which should be using all my energy, driving me crazy all at once. Aim is really something that makes your life worth living.

Laughter + Smile = Happiness (May be not)

I smile and laugh all the time but am I happy every time? No. Because I say no, it doesn’t mean that I fake the smile or laughter. But it’s simply not necessary to show the curve of your lips because you are happy. Sometimes the tears speak more; sometimes you don’t need a joke or a reason to smile. Sometimes you’re simply happy. Laughing and smiling is one thing and being happy is a completely different thing. You can show your teeth any time but you’re happy when you really want to be. I do not really know how to explain this but this is something I really felt.  And it’s not really great if your happiness depends on certain people but still you don’t learn everything at once 

So this is it! Midnight cake, special gestures by some people, double chocolate cake facial, the crazy stuff with people I met for the first time, the tears, First Frame 2013, my brother, the flowers, the sunroof experience in Jaguar and most importantly ‘I’ made my day expressible beyond words. This year I did live my dream on 3rd April 2013 :-)

PS- worst realization: I am an emotional person completely :-(