It’s been almost 3 years or more that I woke up at 5 in the morning on my own to get ready for school. There were reasons why I did so- I wanted to avoid an early morning fight with my brother. But now having my brother away from here, I find no reason to wake up early. And what I used to hear- waking up early in morning is just like a punishment-seems true to me these days.
It was a fine morning when I got up listening to my mom’s scolding last Tuesday i.e. 22 November, 2011. As soon as I opened my eyes I reached for my mobile to see the time and I realized that I am already late. School bus would be arriving in less than 20 minutes. Without any further thoughts I get out of my bed and started getting ready for school. While getting ready I felt something unusual- a slight pain in my chest. But thinking it to be acidity I ignored the pain and rushed for the bus stop after having my bournvita. Luckily I found a seat that day and did not have to stand the whole time. But then the pain had increased and I had vomiting tendency. As the bus stopped in front of the school, I rushed to my classroom, threw my bag on my seat and then went to the girls’ washroom and vomited. I was back in class, the pain was now in stomach too and it was increasing every second. Still I was normal with my classmates for a while. I have a habit of hiding my pain till it’s tolerable. By the time assembly ended it was intolerable and I realized that it is not just a slight pain in fact it is THE PAIN.
I immediately called my parents asking them to take me to the hospital and for doing the blood tests. They arrived in a short while and I was taken to the hospital. Within a few minutes I got two injections-1st intra muscular and then intra venous and I was not surprised to see that sister took a lot of time to find my vein. Then I was taken for the blood test where I was again poked twice- each time the needle entered my skin and then danced to the tunes of “Gumshuda” for a slight hint of my veins. By then I was enjoying seeing that no one was able to find my vein and was angry at being poked 4 times in less than one hour. After donating some blood for the blood test I came home and slept, without any food or water, till the reports came. And my guess was correct. It was THE PAINof THE PANCREATITIS ! ! !
If I had this pain before 7 months when my treatment for leukemia was going on then it would not have been something unusual. By then I was used to get an attack in every 3-4months. After almost all the test I was told that it was just because of medicines I was taking. I said ok. But now ? ? ? After 7 months again? Why? This was my 9th/10th attack. None of them were as serious as the very 1st one. If I describe the 1st one and the people who know about it read this then they would seriously give me a long speech with an angry look; so no discussion about the 1st one though I would love to :P. Anyway I was advised to be on liquid diet only. And as always, I was hungrier and thirstier than the normal days. As one of my doctors always said, “You’re hungry and thirsty when you’re not allowed to eat or drink anything. And when you’re allowed you won’t bother to eat or have water.” I would agree with him, I always do so.
In the evening I had to take 2 bottles of saline (none of them were NaCl). And it took about 30-45minutes to find a vein again and it was really painful and all I could do then was miss my chemo port. When the vein was finally found and I was being given the injection which added more pain, I was reminded of my early days at Vellore. The days when I was poked ‘God-knows-how-many-times-a-day.’ This pain was nothing in comparison to what it was then. But it had been a very long time since I had an IV line, so the pain was really painful. People say that I should not feel this pain at all as I’ve been through so much already but what they forget was I always had the chemo port after my 1st pancreatitis. It’s easy for them to say but it’s really hard to smile and act as nothing happened, when it’s paining all inside, just to make your near and dear ones feel a little lighter.
With all the memories of early days at Vellore and missing my chemo port I was also reminded of the times when I was in hospital (after coming back from CMC) because of this angry pancreas of mine. Most of the times I had at least one visitor and If I was lucky then more than one- Swati, Abhisek, Kavita, Aditya, Asif, Shubham, Nandini and her family, Asmita, Banty, Jyoti and Pratik and sometimes a few of my relatives too. It’s always nice to have someone else’s brain to eat when I have nothing else to eat. So I message a few of my friends from whom I was expecting replies. And their replies reminded me of ‘LUCAS TEST’ for alcohols. One of them replied instantly, the other after sometime and the third one did not reply at all (just like the turbidity in the test). If you’re thinking I got a message card then you’re wrong- it’s just that when I’m angry or upset which I’m unable to tolerate I put the daily SMS pack of Airtel and text my friends who are at a distance.
The few hours that I spent in hospital that day with the IV cannula in my right hand brought back every single memory of last 3 years- some good and some bad and I could feel the moisture developing in my eyes. It still seems as if yesterday I had pain in my hand or was taken for biopsy to CMC where I was diagnosed with leukemia and then the painful treatment with a lot of “khatti-meethi yaadein.”
When I was there I wished to be here with friends and school. But now when I ‘m back to a normal life I wish to be there- with my doctor friends who tolerated all my tantrums, my anger, all in all a completely spoiled 14 year old girl. But I don’t think I am that spoiled-it’s just my anger that makes me behave that way (someday surely I’ll have control on my anger). Well along with this I also got a few direct and indirect comments about being strong and I always felt proud about that. But believe me, I’m the weakest person. But I was strong then because no matter I say it or not but it’s always painful to see the people I love in pain because of me. As I always say someone has to smile to bring smile on everyone’s face during the sad and hard times. Someone has to take the initiative to be strong when the world around him is weak. So why not me? Mentally I may become strong but physically I will still cry at being poked 5 times a day. And ‘Anand’ has always been at the 1st position in my favorite movie list. People who saw me then and now may guess why Anand is so important for me.
Today I respect all my doctors in a way I never thought I would respect anyone and miss them a lot and always look forward to go back to them.
Well now I wish I were asked about writing an essay about any of my experience in more than 1000 words. By the way I was really happy when the IV cannula was taken out after 5-6days. It was such a relief.
And hats off to your patience to read such a long note which has nothing to do with you. Wow! You’re still reading. Well I would not stretch it any further.
Thanks for reading. (1435words)
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