Acceptance

I know I love to watch the little drops falling apart from the clouds that blanket the clean sky.

I know I love the chilling wind that makes the droplets sprinkle on me as I carelessly sip cappuccino sitting in my balcony.

I know I always want to dance like a duck in the rain.     

       

I know that my confused thoughts lead towards clarity at a much faster rate than normal, when it pours.

I know I always want to hold the drops forever that fall on my palm.

But I hate rain!

I know I hate it when my clothes get drenched while I am going somewhere and carrying an umbrella never helps ME.

I know I hate the little worms, centipedes, insects that crawl everywhere I step.

I know I hate the mud puddles where my feet get stuck and the dirty water enters my shoes making it sound “pach pach pach” as I walk.

I know that I could never understand why people are crazy about the smell of “Geeli Mitti.”

I know that I hate the idea of romance that many people around me link to the rain.

So I hate rain!

Having continuously talked to a crazy person who has been an intentional yet an accidental friend of mine for past one year, I made sure to add “Enjoy while getting wet in the rain” to my bucket list. Yes, I am that girl who never stepped into the rain for fun.

I know I want to get into the rain quite many times but I don’t with the fear of being noticed. What people think does not matter to me and I know they do not even care but then I am never comfortable with people around. My friend said so much about him stepping out every time it poured that I made a mental note to do the same as soon as possible. I even made a note on my desktop which when another friend saw, said how can you do such crap! [as in making the note I guess]

 And today finally it poured at my hometown in my presence. Not that I forced myself but as soon as I saw the clouds pouring so heavily, I just stepped in. Once there I did not want to step inside the house. I faced towards the sky for some time with my eyes closed.

“This isn’t normal. This isn’t me. This is magic. This is an illusion. This is peaceful. This is nice. How come I never felt it in 19 years, it is of course a long time.”

I always spoke of rain in a tone of hatred in front of others but deep down within me I knew this isn’t true. Today as the raindrops slipped down my skin, they took away my fake cover of hatred and after all these years I accepted that I too love it when it pours but it does not change the fact that I wouldn’t like getting wet in front of people and that the idea of romance is still sickening.

Just wondering how a mere acceptance can change the entire idea, raindrops always seemed strong and harsh to me but today they were soft enough to make sure that they touch me but not hit me. And as for my friend, I called him up to let him know about my achievement and he asked me how it felt. I was left speechless. He obviously knows how I felt. And later on, he messaged me over facebook to let me know that for the first time he smiled after his disastrous results couple of days back. But still I wouldn’t be following his words anymore, “kash tu roz bheegti rahe..”