Sometimes some emotions grow with
such intensity within you that they drive your mind crazy. They wouldn’t let
you live. They occupy every breath, every thought, and every cell of your body
that even your soul seems to be captivated by them. The emotions show up in the
movie that you see, in the book that you read, in the person you meet, in the
things that you hold. The more you try to hide them, the more obvious they
become. All of a sudden it seems that they rule your brain. It is so
frustrating that in the end it is anger that drives all your actions.
The more you ignore them, the
more they tend to cling to you. The more you deny them, the more intense they
get. The moment you accept them, they seem to fade away. Feelings! It is the
way they are, quite similar to humans. They can be natural, forced, conspired
or provoked.
Certain feelings no matter how
good they make you feel seem to have developed within you at a time which is
not quite appropriate. You do not know what to do with them then. At times you
cherish them, at other times they make you sad. You do not want to let go of
them because they make you feel good. But this happiness is usually temporary. You
cannot hold on to them because in the end you are the one who is hurt.
Dreams show you what you desire. There
are certain things that you may not accept in your consciousness. You hide it
in your sub conscious. You forget about it during the day. But dreams bring
them back; show you what you really want just like the Mirror of Erised. It can
be terrifying at times; it can turn you into a mad man because you know you
wouldn’t have it in the real world. You prefer to sleep and stay inside the
safe walls of your own world which are quite unhealthy. When you wake up, you
like all the posts on FB which says that dreams are more beautiful than
reality. Why do you do this? Why do you intentionally put yourself into a kind
of hibernation? Your emotions and feelings make you do so, you’re just a pawn.
This world in your head makes you
unhygienic. You do not care even if you haven’t taken bath for like a week, your
hair hasn’t been combed, you are wearing the same dress since days and you have
probably made your food intake minimal, just so you do not die. Basically, your
appearance makes you look like a zombie. You’re ruined. But of course it is not
the end.
No matter how late it wakes up,
but you finally hear the inner voice within you that you’ve heard people talk
of. It reminds you of the person you were, it reminds you of the aims you had
set for yourself, the passion that drove you crazy. In the beginning you ignore
it. Slowly, you start listening to it but only if you’re not really cozy in
your dreamland and want to get out of it after a certain time period. When you
decided to face the reality again, there’s nothing much that has to be done. You
will find your way back when you want to. Initially it may be difficult because
those toxic feelings aren’t that easy to let go of.
All you need to do is treasure
yourself more than the feelings which you somehow know wouldn’t last forever. Some
of them may stay in the back of your head always, but they shouldn’t dominate
you. Being in a battlefield with your feelings is totally normal. You usually
try to justify and counter simultaneously about what you feel. Only to realize later
that it does no good but kills the charm of that emotion. Whys and hows aren’t
really important. If you felt something, then you just felt it. Making yourself
go nuts trying to figure out the reason and the purpose is a waste of time no
matter how intriguing it may seem.
When a feeling knocks at your
door and you’re not interested/ ready to keep it with you, open up invite it
for a few snacks and then Tata Bye Bye. You deny its entrance, knock knocks
increase exponentially and you have to finally let it in with a grudge. It wouldn’t
be a matter of a few snacks but 24 hours of togetherness. As irritating as
Paresh Rawal in ‘Atithi Tum Kab Jaoge?’ The feeling leaves you when you’re finally
concerned about it and accept it. You may seem to be sad for a while because
you were used to it but happiness and contentment takes over. You will be glad
that it happened and ended. You don’t want it back. Now you can go back to
concentrating on more important aspects of your life and not just one feeling
that abducts your mind.
What next? Nothing much. Knock
Knock!!! Choose wisely this time J
:P
PS- Just so you remember, “It
does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live” said Albus Dumbledore to
Harry Potter in his very first year at Hogwarts. And I believe it is one of the
wisest things that Dumbledore has ever said.
| Harry with the Mirror of Erised in 'Harry Potter And the Philosopher's Stone' Image source - Google |
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