Here’s why Every One Needs an Alex Karev in Life

If you haven’t watched Grey’s Anatomy yet, you should. It is a test of your commitment. I am a highly committed person. I might find labels uncomfortable, but I don’t doubt my commitment. I have recently learnt or am still learning to have healthy boundaries in order to not feel like someone who is so there for people that she doesn’t have her own back. All I am saying is Grey’s Anatomy is worth the pain if you describe yourself as broken, empty and fucked up. Grey’s is the light that passes through your crevices to heal you, if you allow yourself to. 

The first time you watch the series, you’ll just want Meredith and Derek to get together, it’s all about their romance. But, if you pay close attention, then you’ll also notice the creators’ views towards the politics – they have made it very clear beginning from Bush to Trump. They took up the #metoo movement, renamed the Harper Avery Award to Catherine Fox award because we all know who did the work and who got an award after his name. There are brilliant examples of sisterhood to the point that when Richard Webber accuses Miranda Bailey for not paying women employees as much as they deserve, Miranda says that she has taught Grey and if Grey doesn’t ask for what she deserves then Bailey isn’t entitled to give her that. Bailey adds – ‘This is what a feminist looks like, sir.’ I always get excited watching this scene. It’s the most inclusive show I have seen, in terms of gender. It’s the show that makes me believe that social issues can be dealt with sensitivity in a highly entertaining drama. Yes, I am trying to sell you the show so that you understand exactly what I am going to say next.

Alex Karev – the character who has the Grey’s fandom drooling over him for his development arc. A few people I know call his character arc - becoming a man.

Being a Jerk:

The moment we are introduced to Alex Karev, as an intern, we dislike him. He is an absolute jerk. He doesn’t know how to express himself, he doesn’t expect anyone to be there for him. He has been on his own his entire life, he doesn’t know how to ask for help. He is an intern and internship is a competition that he has to survive. So, he is a jerk to everyone. It’s easy to be the bad boy, and he gives no excuses for this. But, even in the first few seasons, I find him much better than other male characters especially Derek Shepherd and George O Malley – neither of them knew how to handle an injured ego, they projected it in the form of anger.

Alex Karev took his falls, dealt with his mistakes, he was accountable and most importantly, he didn’t project his anger or issues at anyone. Let's not forget, he saw the girl he loved (Izzie) falling for someone. He got upset but he was the only one who could get her moving, who could show her that the person she loved, no longer exists. He did not punish her, he was there with her. 

The Back Story:

We get to know about his rough childhood when his brother shows up unannounced. His mother suffers from schizophrenia. His father was an addict who left when he was a kid (and yet he didn't let his father die alone). Karev bounced from one foster home to another. He was put in Juvenile prison when he was found stealing food. And, he keeps all of it away from him lest someone begins to sympathise with him, see him as someone with feelings – because, well surgery is all about being machine or so he thought as an intern.

The thing is despite his experiences, he eventually learns to take care of himself. He doesn’t want to continue being the kid who had no choice but to be an adult in his childhood.

The history with Crazy

He has taken care of his mother. He knows what to do, how to take care of a mentally ill person. So, when his girlfriend (Rebecca) suffers from mental illness, he takes care of her. It’s his familiar territory. He can do it. He takes time to understand that he cannot help her, he has to admit her in psychiatric ward. When his lover (Izzie) suffers from end stage melanoma, he doesn’t even think twice before marrying her because when he loves, he is all in whether he says it or not. Just that, everyone he loves ends up going crazy at one point or another.

"Look life is too short . . .I've had too much crazy for one lifetime."

When Lexie suffers from PTSD, he lets go of her because he has his own PTSD to deal with. I don’t hold it against him. Everyone deserves a break, even Karev. And, I don’t doubt his commitment because there are many more instances that showcase his commitment. He takes up responsibility for every relationship he has been in, it’s just not reciprocated.

Jo Wilson

Well, I cannot help but accept that I was rooting for Alex to end up with Jo Wilson. They both dealt with ‘crazy’ in their own way, they lived in foster homes, they had rough childhood. Moreover, they didn’t jump right at love. They became friends, they got to know each other. It wasn’t easy but it was worth it.

So, after Silent All These Years, I was worried. I didn’t want Jo to go crazy or leave Alex. But, Season 16 helped. Jo got all the help she needed, she gave Karev an exit out of their marriage. And, my heart did a somersault when Alex, as Jo got out of therapy, proposed her to marry again. That’s legit couple-goals!

Mistakes

Karev makes many mistakes. Never once did he try to deny what he did or validate his wrongs, he was always accountable. He made up for it, every damn time because he knew that he hurt a person who matters a lot to him. Moreover, eventually, he learns to ask for forgiveness. He learns that he is worthy of forgiveness.

"You're supposed to have my back, I made a mistake. You have to forgive me. You guys are all I have."

Alex Karev is a character who kept growing, moving forward as we focused on other characters. It might even seem that he got the centre stage when Cristina Yang left. But, if you pay close attention – he has always been there for everyone. He was a jerk who knew how to recognise and appreciate help even if he never expected anyone to help him. People who have often been on their own find it difficult to ask for help, but they learn. He melts my heart when he makes up a good story for Izzie after they are divorced. He understands her as a person, he has known her. So, he makes up a good life for her in his mind so that he can stop wondering. 

Source: Twitter @GreysABC

Like I said, he is that character whom we don’t notice much and once we do we cannot take our eyes off him. Everyone pauses once in a while, not Karev. He moves forward, always. He has never denied stepping up in his personal and professional life. He never said, I can't. He just learned to take care of everything life threw at him. From an intern to heading pediatrics surgery to becoming an interim chief of surgery to building a team from scratch, he is running a surgery program at a hospital that doesn't have much to work with. Sixteen years, Alex Karev is worth running multiple Grey's marathon!

I am going to kill the creators in my head if they ever kill this character. Grey's Anatomy beats Game of Thrones when it comes to character deaths. My life’s difficult enough as an empath – a year of working around managing my emotions doesn’t seem to be helping as much as I thought it would. I still feel everyone's pain as if it's my own. I love celebrating their joy. This makes it difficult to have friends despite boundaries. 

Maybe, everyone should not have an Alex Karev in life, because that character, idea of a person, deserves reciprocation. So let me improvise Albus Dumbledore's quote here : A friend like Alex Karev will always be discovered by those who are as faithful and loyal and dedicated as Meredith Grey. 

Here’s an Alex Karev quote to end this post with,

"Doesn't matter how tough we are, trauma always leaves a scar. It follows us home, it changes our lives. Trauma messes everybody up, but maybe that's the point. All the pain and the fear and the crap, maybe going through all of that is what keeps us moving forward. It's what pushes us. Maybe we have to get a little messed up before we can step up."

You've always stepped up Alex. Always. And, I am glad you found your tribe.
Just don't die, please don't!


Update (12/02/2020): By the time I wrote this, Justin Chambers had already made his last appearance on the show. As revealed in an interview, Chambers has exited the show. In the mid season finale of Season 16, it was showed that Karev has gone to visit his mother.