Rape Kit, Motherhood, and Consent in a Grey's Anatomy Episode

Silent All These Years, episode 19, season 15 of the longest running medical prime time drama on television, Shonda Rhimes' Grey’s Anatomy, is everything we need. The episode has two parallel stories revolving around the character of doctor Jo Karev (Camilla Luddington) whose meeting with her birth mother is revealed in flashback as she treats a patient named Abby (Khalilah Joi), who has been sexually assaulted.

Having survived domestic violence, Jo Karev suspects Abby to have undergone something similar and assures her a safe space to speak about it if she wants to. Abby refuses treatment when another doctor, Teddy Altman (Kim Rave), is called for help. Teddy gains Abby's consent by treating her with utmost care and sensitivity without getting near her till she is allowed to. She suspects that Abby has been sexually assaulted which is later confirmed. 

When doctors propose a rape kit for the patient in case she later wants to report the assault and get justice, Abby vehemently denies.

“We all know if I do that kit, it ends up in the back of some police station, ignored for years, while I sit there wondering when will the bomb go off, waiting to see if a jury of my peers will believe, will believe a woman who wore a skirt a few inches too short, who had a few cocktails too many at a bar last night after having a fight about laundry with her husband. And you know that the tequila I drank will make it my fault, and whoever did this to me whatever he drank, that’ll be his excuse!”

This is not new. This has been said a number of times, recited by poets and ruthlessly debated among people. Yet, it’s not said enough. It’s not understood enough.

When Abby agrees to do the rape kit with the condition of her husband never finding out about it, Teddy Altman asks for her consent at every step. She waits for a ‘Yes’. She makes sure that the patient knows that the procedure can be stopped any time and that she won’t do anything till Abby says 'Yes'. The scenes show the administration of a rape kit in extensive detail. 

Meanwhile, the parallel story line reveals that Jo's mother was raped. It shows everything about motherhood that we don't talk about as a society. Vicki Ann Rudin (Michelle Forbes) describes her pregnancy as terrifying as opposed to the conventional emotions associated with it. She abandons her baby because she resented her more than she could love her. As difficult as it becomes for Jo, I was relieved that the show didn’t make the reunion take a happy turn. 

The episode makes the viewer aware of the trauma that follows sexual abuse:  the inability to call rape as rape for years, the inability to accept that rape is something that’s no longer only a fear of a dark alley and unknown faces but also consented dates and known faces, the inability to accept that saying yes to a date has nothing to do with the many ‘No’s that follow, the inability to accept 'It wasn't my fault'. 

Another important aspect of surviving sexual assault that Silent All These Years highlights is Abby’s inability to leave her room for surgery because, “Everyone has his face, every man. It’s all I see. Even when I close my eyes. I can’t see his face. Please don’t make me see his face.” This leads to the most beautiful scene in the series. The hallway, through which Abby is supposed to be taken for surgery, is lined by women on both sides. No man is allowed in and Dr De Luca (Giacomo Gianiotti) guarding the door into the hall says a lot about the role of men today. As Abby moves forward, she finds solidarity in the presence of all the women that eventually leads her to report the assault to her husband as well as the police. 

Teddy Altman rightly tells Karev, "What you did today wasn't protocol... I am saying, it should be."

Source: Twitter @GreysABC

The show ends with Ben Warren (Jason George) explaining consent to his teenage son. “You pay attention to the girl you’re with, all right? You.. You.. You need to care about her feelings, her.. her joy, at least as much as you care about your own. And she gets to change her mind. At any time. I mean, if she says stop, or if she stops having fun, you just plain stop. Time out. Game over. Being with someone you like, there’s nothing like it. And I want you to be safe and happy but that only happens if she is too."

Silent All These Years deals with sexual assault, motherhood and consent in ways that remains unacknowledged in conversations around me. I don’t know if all parents have the conversation about sex and consent with their kids, I hope they do. I know I could have used it while growing up instead of finding out about it in ways that I did. I am aware of the cultural differences between America and India. I am just saying that I don’t care if it’s awkward for a family to have the talk, it is needed. 

Two days after watching the episode for the first time, I am still overwhelmed by the sensitivity of the episode. The greatest thing about it is that the abuse or abusers are given no screen time. Directed by Debbie Allen, it depicts survivors’ stories without the hollow glorification. A few months ago, I was asked, 'Why are women so scared of rape all the time?' I have been planning to write an article on that describing how television plays an important in the same. We need more images that show surviving the assault rather than the assault or worse, the assault as a tool to make a careless man responsible.

Silent All These Years can be seen as a stand alone episode. Let not the episode and season number stop you from watching it if you haven't been following the show. However, if you have the time and patience then watch the entire series, it's one of the most inclusive dramas in terms of race, gender, relationships, politics, and religion.