When A Daughter Speaks...

I suffered from a minute ache in my wrist which eventually led me to Leukemia. It was a rare symptom and so maybe then on whenever I get to hear that a person is suffering from something as small as a mere headache brings the horror that it can lead to something really big. It is just me and people hate me for this. I cannot help it. It’s not like I intentionally choose to think of bad stuff but it’s just I have been through it.

Every time I see her hands shivering, I am worried. She is not old enough to have her hands trembling when she holds a vessel or serves us on the dining table. It is not something really common. The worst part is the doctors don’t get to know the cause of it. Just prescribing some random pills to minimize it isn’t a solution. (Who would know this better than me?) But again, how am I supposed to help? All I can do is see her suffer.

I wonder if being a Ganesha fan gives
her all her strength :-)

Every time when she has a headache, I am tensed. Headaches are quite frequent. Now I do not even get to know when she has it because almost every time she has it. Just like pancreatitis has become a part of my life, headaches have become hers. All day, all night she would have the pain in her head but she wouldn’t speak of it, not anymore. A few months back when her head kept spinning every morning when she woke up, I was terrified. Why would she have it?

Never has she asked me to make dinner when she is sick, not that I know how to cook but still she never asked me to help her. She never asked me to help her wash the clothes even if it’s the washing machine which does the whole work. She would never sit in front of the TV because she would feel that she could do something productive instead. She wouldn’t gossip with the neighbors because she feels it has done no good to anyone ever.

She took care of her two children when she was suffering from a lot of emotional and mental stress in her life. I have seen her cry and it is the worst feeling ever. The moment she realized that the problems of her life affected her kids and she pushed them away only to concentrate on her children, on us, my brother and me. Believe me, this is what a mother is capable of doing leaving the woman in her behind.

She is the strongest person; I have seen in my entire life and probably would ever see. Seeing her own daughter in death bed and not shedding a single tear in front of her is really a BIG thing. I do not know how I am going to repay her, not that she would ask me to.

This lady, my own mother, has been my role model and would always be no matter which path I would choose. She let me know what it is to be a woman and more importantly a mother not only to the kids she gave birth to but also the kid she married. (Yes, because I think as a wife I wouldn’t have tolerated my Papa’s tantrums but Mamma handles him well enough and I am sure he would agree too.)

Once a thought crossed my mind, “You know you’re growing up when you realize that the relationship of care, love and responsibilities between a mother and daughter is also a two-way relationship. "

She likes all my facebook updates because she knows I would love to have more numbers of likes, she visits every single shop in the malls for hours when she knows I have no intention of buying anything, she keeps on asking me to learn cooking so that I can help myself in emergency situations, she hates it when I ignore my studies because I am reading Nicholas Sparks but she never snatches my book away, she  listens to me over phone when I have an emotional breakdown, she is patient with me when I just want to blabber, she laughs at my innocently bold nature when I speak something which girls usually do not speak in front of their parents and it goes on and on.

Because my facebook and twitter timeline is full of mother’s day wishes, because I have my exam tomorrow but I haven’t started studying, because she is now angry that I am not studying, because I thought it’s a nice way to butter her, because not every day I appreciate her, because I love her all the time but fail to convey, because I realized that we are friends when I was sixteen, because it’s MOTHER’S DAY and even if these words do not convey much and I can go on and on and on, because now I have said because so many times, I stop.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY MAMMA! YOU’RE PRECIOUS!! :D You’re a SWEETHEART <3