They say, "You're Lucky." I say, "I have Built my Ground."

Luck. My oldest memory of the word goes to the casual use of ‘Bad luck’. Then, there’s the memory in which my parents say, ‘Best of Luck’, before exams. Many a times, luck seemed to be the word that filled gaps, in conversations, that people wanted to avoid. There were times when it was used according to the need but those times were rare.

Luck has been perhaps one of the most used, if not exploited, word. After a point of time in school, I told my parents to wish me All the Best instead of Good luck or Best of luck. I was uncomfortable with the idea that my performance depends on my luck. I was willing to take the burden of failure on my shoulders or success for that matter. But, to give my power to an unknown third party simply didn’t seem right.

Growing up, I began using the word privilege instead of luck. A few years ago, I would have said, “I am really lucky to have such parents.” Now, I choose to say, “I am privileged to have such parents.” The difference is simple. When I use luck, I have no role to play. It is acknowledged that luck has given me things that I didn't work for. While, the moment I use ‘privilege’, it shows the acknowledgement of my so called ‘luck’ and awareness of the power that belongs to me. The word provides me the agency to use my power for good instead of simply having it.

My father often said (and continues to say), “Na bolna seekho [learn to say no]”. Having faced social rejection in one way or the other over the years, saying no usually gave way to the construction of my individuality. I built principles to live by irrespective of what others, including my parents, say about it. In school, I saw some parents blame everyone outside for the mistakes that their kids were responsible for. I was adamant that if there is ever a question on my friendships, my parents will not have the agency to trash my friends out loud. I drew a line for my parents to judge my ability to choose friends, without having to point a finger at anyone else. When the time came, I surprised myself by sticking to that line even though my entire body was shivering and my mind was anxious.

That’s how I have been all my life – putting myself in other’s shoes, imagining what the ideal solution would be with least harm done, and preparing myself accordingly. I speak up when I realise that no one will give me the chance to stand on my own otherwise. Be it with friends, family, workplace or even a stranger. Confrontations play an important role in my life. I listen to people. If I disagree, then I take my time to tell them so, but I do it nonetheless. Knowing how difficult it is for me to move on without a one to one talk, I choose to confront irrespective of age, religion, designation of other people.

Every time I stand up for myself, I am told that I am lucky that the person I am standing up to is tolerating or listening to me. What the other person chooses to do is not upto me. What I do to make the other person make a choice is surely on me. Everyone is so busy saying, “this isn’t how things are or happen”, that they don’t see their role in letting it happen. So, when someone like me participates, they say, ‘we let you speak’. And I feel, “I made you listen.” Two sides of the same coin?

When a similar incident happened at my work place, I let my bad temper take over my better judgment initially. I didn’t want my ability to look out for myself, something that I have built over the years, be overpowered by others’ greatness which didn’t exist till before I spoke up. Later though, I began smiling to myself. Surprised by my own reaction, I wondered if I had risen above how others see me. A few months ago, this post would have been filled with angry jibes. Right now, I feel that it’s okay even if they take away my lime light. At the end of the day, we know who we are. If luck is a thing, then I would definitely say that I have built mine.

I have done my share of mistakes. Things haven’t always turned out to be in my favour. Yet, I have the satisfaction of doing everything that was in my control and at times, expanded control. Over the years, I have made my place wherever I went, whenever I felt. That’s something I cannot allow ‘luck’ to take away from me. I never accept, “this is not how things happen.” I am the person who says, “fine, this is not how things have happened so far, so what can we do to change them now?” 

The next time someone tells you, “This is life, this is work, all are same, have been so for years”, are you going to accept it or are you going to ask, “have you tried to change anything?”

I hope you choose the latter.