Dear Misandrist, You Are Not a Feminist. Period.

Dear Misandrist

Have you ever introduced yourself with a name that isn’t yours? Or have you ever felt the need to take up a name because you weren’t aware of the name given to you? Or have you ever felt like belonging to another gender when the world sees you for what your biological sex shows? Or have you ever ate daal chawal but were sure it was biryani in your mouth? Or have you constantly covered your identity with a mask? Of course, the questions are absurd. Of course, I have lost my mind. How can I be sane? ‘Feminism’ has been a terrorizing agent on the social media in the recent times. Feminism has been bastardised. Yet, I find many women introducing themselves as feminists. Just the way you did, when we first met.

I wasn’t a feminist. I did not want the tag because I wasn’t sure if I knew completely about the subject and functioned accordingly. I was a beginner. On the contrary, you were confident. Yet, you said something that I found to be anti-man. Upon questioning, you said that you were joking. I couldn’t accept a feminist laughing on such a joke while fighting against all the wife/women jokes. You said that you will support a girl knowing she is wrong, because you are a feminist. You rejected feminist texts because they are too depressing for your jolly soul and yet, you are a feminist. You said I shouldn’t have sex because I will require a man for the act. But you cringe at the idea of masturbation. Also, you believe that men can’t be feminists because they haven’t suffered like us. Let me tell you something here, I was introduced to feminism by a man; a man, who is a feminist. He never felt the need to walk with a placard or shout it out loud. One could sense his ideology in everything that he said and did. On the other hand, everything that you say is preceded or succeeded by ‘…because I am a feminist…’

Feminism was never about justifying the wrongs of a girl. It is about surfacing the silences of a gender that has been dominated by an ideology; an ideology that has marginalized the gender. The ideology is patriarchy. The gender is the ‘feminine’ one. The male-dominated ideology has oppressed us since time immemorial but the important fact here is that, not every man advocates the ideology, not every woman fights against it. Most importantly, people aren’t even conscious of it working against their livelihood.

When the feminists fight against patriarchy, they fight against their oppression. They do not say, we have been oppressed for centuries, now we are here to oppress men. It is not about revenge. It is about justice. The opposite of patriarchy is not feminism but matriarchy. And in case you do not realize, matriarchy isn’t any better than patriarchy. It is equally damaging, reversing the roles of present day oppressors and the ones oppressed. The feminists fight for equality. It does not include raising themselves to a position of powerlessness and be proud about it. It does not include enslaving men. Feminism merely believes that there have been many socio-cultural agents that shape the difference between the two major genders in the world and that there is a need to do away with that difference.

Empowerment and modernity aren’t all about economy. A housewife choosing to be so with a consciousness of the agents working within and outside her is more empowered than a woman in the corporate world without such a consciousness. The need is to do away with the institutionalized value system associated with the woman of propriety. Amazonian Utopia isn’t what the feminists ask for.

But you define feminism as something that is against men. Have you ever given it a thought that men and the other genders have been victims of the same ideology? No. You have simply known that you have suffered. Probably you have had an experience that shaped your beliefs. But your ideologies aren’t feminist. You are a misandrist wearing the mask of feminism. Thanks to you, I have finally realized the need of being a feminist. Misogyny probably led to patriarchy, and misandry too is a symptom of matriarchy. People are going to mistake me for you. You have spread like a virus in the society. I had been fighting patriarchy without my consciousness. Now that I am aware of it, along with breaking the thousand walls of patriarchy, I have an added responsibility of unmasking you too.

Yours truly

A feminist