When I visit my parents, I often hear the
neighbours saying to my mother, ab to
beti aa gayi hai, aapko help mil jaegi. Probably it is a proud moment for
the entire ‘Women’ community, but personally it pisses me off. No, I do not
mind helping my mother in her chores. I mind when people believe it is the duty
of the daughter to do so. When asked, why not the son’s? The most common answer
is, Arre wo to nalayak hai, ladke thodi
samajhte hain. Personally, I believe not only this statement is offensive
to men but also comments about the speaker’s failure in parenting. But then it
is the socially accepted characteristics for men to be careless and women to be
responsible. Yes. And if it does not offend you, then you are another deluded
toy in the game of patriarchy.
The colours pink and blue aren’t merely a
couple of shades in the crayons set but they represent the two widely
acknowledged gender. The moment the sex of the baby is known, the parents, the
relatives, the neighbour etcetera shower the gifts assigned to the gender. A
pink frock for the girl, a blue t-shirt for the boy; a Barbie doll for the
girl, a remote controlled car for the boy; a kitchen set for the girl, a G.I.
Joe for the boy; fairy tales for the girls, the tales of manliness for the
boys; Kinderjoy for both, but the girl cries for the pink one and the boy wants
the blue one. And so, kids are fit in the inelastic cups of gender, which isn’t
even seen as a spectrum but as male and female.
Gender roles are defined by the society in
terms of femininity or masculinity. A little diversion from these makes a girl
a ‘tomboy’ and a boy, 'devoid of his manliness’. The constant pressure to fit
into the pre-defined norms of society takes away the ‘choice’ of being who they
are from the kids from a very early age. The mother constantly pesters the girl
to know how to do all the household works where as the boy learns to do the
works outside the home. There is nothing wrong with the division of labour but
the problem is when the domestic unacknowledged labour is claimed as the love of a wife or a mother, the outside labour is seen as the hardwork of being
the breadwinner of the family.
This (un)acknowledgement of labour gives the
idea to the kids in the family that, the mother was born to do the household
chores where as the father had to work hard to get where he is. A sick man can
take a leave from his office but a sick woman sees no signs of an off day unless
she is in a hospital bed, perhaps. The kids in the family look up to this, only
to subconsciously for the notion that life is a duty and choice has no role to play.
A woman at home if asks for a role reversal, it is not for equality. It is a desperate attempt to make the other members in the family understand that household chores aren’t as easy as they seem. It is a helpless cry for help. It is a plea to free her from the assigned duty and let her make a choice to live her life. Although, a role reversal might help in acknowledging the works of both the genders resulting in respect for each other’s share of work. It does not preach equality if the labour goes socially/politically unacknowledged in the end.
Lately many ads have attempted to break the gender
stereotypes. An ad even attempted to show that the lady is the man’s boss at
work but comes back home to call and ask him what he would like to have for
dinner. This in no way is breaking the stereotype. It is saying that even if
women progress outside home, they still have to come back to their duty of ‘being’
a woman. No ad before the Ariel, #ShareTheLoad could show it right.
If one day, people stop saying the girl child
that she needs to learn cooking so that she can be eligible for marriage and
instead start saying to both the kids that cooking plays a big role in being
independent then maybe we will pave a
path towards equality. One day, if we tell the kids that they should dust of the
centre table as they watch their favourite TV show then maybe they will know
that mothers aren’t born for cleaning things. One day, if the husband decides
to do the chores (even if only on his off days) then the kids will know
that it is okay for the father to do the things that the mother does and it is,
in no way, a threat to his manliness. One day, if the parents tell their son to help his sister in the chores she has been given (or vice versa) then maybe the kids will
know that it is a shared job. One day, when the son asks why he needs to know
the household chores and the parents reply because it is not taught in any institution, then maybe things will change. One day, when both
the man and woman are tired from work and decide to order food at home instead
of either of them stepping into the heat of the kitchen, then maybe things
will change. One day, when the kids ask why they need to know these things in life, if
the answer they get is to be happily independent (instead of making others happy), then
maybe things will change. One day, if the man and woman realise that they were
brought up without a choice and realise how wrong it is, then maybe they will
try not to pass on this inequality to the next generation.
If we stop accepting that the sons in
this society are supposed to be nalayak (and in fact, take offense), then maybe
things will begin to change. If we try to change without thinking of
being the odd duck then maybe things will begin to change. When we truly
attempt to be the change in the society without assuming that 'nothing is going
to change' then maybe things will begin to change. Because change is the need
of the hour.
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| Image source : iknowpolitics.org |
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