She on the Streets!

What do you do, when your girl friend and you are walking down the street at 10.30PM and are approached by bikers who pretend to need directions? What do you do when an auto-wallah follows you for more than a kilometer despite your announcement of not wanting the ride? What do you do when the men suddenly speed their bike directly at you? What do you do when they shout “hey baby, chalti kya?” as they pass by? What do you do when men in their cars tend to go in the wrong direction while ogling you?

If you ask me what did I do, then my answer is that I panicked. I panicked because I was new in Hyderabad. I panicked because I had lived in Delhi for the previous three years. I panicked because I knew no street is safe for anyone at anytime, especially for women at night. I panicked because I did not carry my pen knife with me that night. I panicked because I had never been out at this time of the night in Delhi without a group. I panicked because I was with another girl who was walking confidently in a short dress where as I was dressed fully. I panicked because I had the fear of getting raped. I panicked because my companion was too calm. I panicked because all these years I was told to panic in such instances, consciously or subconsciously.

I returned to my hostel by 11PM. I replayed the incidents of the evening in my head, and in a strange way I had never felt so safe. One might wonder how! It was because of the friend I was with. She had invited me for coffee as we hadn’t met since I moved to Hyderabad. It was her idea to take a walk before we go home. Though I wasn’t very sure, I accepted. It seemed like a big mistake the very next moment when two men in bike asked us the direction for GVK One Mall which was right behind them. My friend politely gave them the instructions and walked on. I was surprised. She told me that she knew directions wasn’t the reason for them to approach us but she gave them what they asked and they left. A few minutes later, another bike stopped by our side. Though I could not clearly hear what the man said, I remember my friend asking him to move on or she might call the police. A few such incidents followed.

Finally, I confessed her that I am dead scared. The way she handled all the bikers and auto-wallahs is something that is scaring me even more. Because honestly, living in Delhi for all these years, the media and society around me had engraved the idea that if you hit the ego of a man by asking him to get lost, you are raped then and there. If you say you will call the police, then you are shown your aukaat then and there. If you even dare to speak up against the eve teasing to any man who does so, you are inviting molestation or rape. I am neither proud of these things that occupy my head nor am I saying it happens so everywhere. I am not generalizing it. But one has to admit, there is some truth in it.

My friend made the effort to comfort me. She said, people in Hyderabad will ogle at you, tease you but they won’t rape you. I was shocked, how can she be so sure in the age when one cannot even trust their own family and friends? She further said that as long as she has the police on her speed dial, there is nothing to worry. She trusted that the Hyderabad police will take immediate action, as has happened in many of her friends’ cases. She knew that people weren’t approaching us for directions. But she said they didn’t ask for more, you need not shout at them knowing their real intentions. If they ask for more or tease you, just show them the police on your speed dial. If they still don’t go away, then just dial the number, the police will track you down and come for immediate help. She further added that she is never worried as long as her phone has enough battery. Honestly, I did not know what to say. I thought she is simply being foolish.

But maybe she wasn’t. I love the idea of taking strolls at night but never dared to. She did. And over the years, she has learnt to deal with the eve-teasing. She has never demeaned herself or locked herself when someone said something inappropriate on the streets. She is not scared of facing the teasers out there and even has the guts to threaten them. To most of the crowd, this might seem like a foolish act. Some might say that she has been just lucky in not getting raped. But when I saw her dealing with all those men that night, it was something entirely new and surprising. Over the years she has observed and made the streets safe for herself. She needed no man to do so for her, which in itself is quite empowering.

It was that night when I decided to give Hyderabad another chance. I am still scared to go out on streets after 10 at night. But every time I think about how my friend dealt with the situation, I feel that talking about feminism and empowerment isn’t worthwhile when you can’t dare to do it. She never talked about these issues, but with her actions she doesn’t need to. She became an inspiration that night and hopefully, someday we have more women like her who take the risk of making the streets safe for themselves without relying on anyone/anything. To be honest, I hadn’t felt so safe with anyone else as I did with her. Cheers to the confident and daring souls like her!

This post has been written for Youth Ki Awaaz and their #SpreadTheVibe campaign.