The Sabotaged Relationships

The wave of pseudo feminism has certainly sabotaged half of the relationships known to the humankind. Yes, we live in a patriarchal society. Yes, we need to make our own stands without bending to the rules of patriarchy. But when we stand staunchly in our positions letting the men in the society make their compromises and sacrifices if they want to be with us, we are then giving way to matriarchy. And it is definitely not feminism.

Feminism is not about making an Amazonian utopia, or replacing patriarchy with matriarchy. It is just a range of movements and ideologies with the common goal of equal treatment of men and women. It is plain equality

But somehow the definition has taken a few wrong twists and turns and made way for pseudo feminism where in women tend to defame men and men detest women even more. When I hear a woman say that she is a feminist, I am happy for a moment till I realize that she is a pseudo. And some women wouldn’t even associate themselves with the term. Kalki Koechlin once said, "this term feminism has been bastardised to the point where the average girl doesn't want to be associated with it. But it's not what feminism stands for, that's the problem- it's the damn stigma that's synonymous with it." And when it comes to a relationship between two, pseudo feminism has taken its toll.

Yes, a perfect relationship is the one with the exact proportion of emotions, thoughts, ideologies, communication and sex without any space for insecurity or possessiveness. It is the one where a person doesn’t need to be another’s. It is the one with probably no boundaries in any direction. It is the one where two people come together and still lead their individual lives in their own way without having to bend to anyone, without having to make compromises or sacrifices, without having to fight and find any midways through it. It is the peace in chaos, the certainty in uncertainty. In words, it seems beautiful. In reality, it is complete and pure crap.

Let us forget any kind of feminism or patriarchy for a moment and think about a relationship. Any kind of relationship. Is it possible for us to live our life without making any changes in it when we want a person to be a part of it? I am not saying we have to change our lifestyle entirely but a certain few changes are inevitable. Yes, it is very important to not let anyone dominate the relationship. It is important to have our own space to voice our thoughts and the communication should be good enough too. And at times, we need to keep aside our desire to be with the other and rationalize our thoughts. I am saying this because at times when we are so desperate for something to work out right, we tend to lose ourselves in the process. This doesn’t mean “Oh I am a woman, how can you have issues with what I do. You’re such a patriarch. What I do is completely my choice.”  In the end a relationship is about two people no matter what and ‘my choice’ is definitely not the right way to deal with it. When we want to be with someone, we need to create a balance between who we are and how we can make things work with the least amount of losses.

In relationships today, women do not want to be dominated. But at times they end up dominating. A relationship should be based on equality. Both the man and the woman involved need to be aware of the inequality and try not to exercise it between them. Insecurities are a part of every relationship. No matter how much we want to give the other his/her freedom. We have still not learned to live with uncertainty and without boundaries. I am not suggesting that we need to give in to the insecurities or anything but maybe we could find a midway through it. But at some point we need to know what we share, what we want and where we are going. And if we are too involved in working up with ourselves, I do not see why we would want to ruin someone else’s life in that process.

Maybe for once let's figure ourselves and not wait for someone to do it for us.

Maybe for once let's associate ourselves with peace and not chaos.

Maybe for once let's define ourselves with simplicity and not complexity.

Maybe for once let's not just announce that we have issues but deal with it.

Maybe for once let's not just concentrate on 'my choice' but consider 'our thoughts and opinions.'

Maybe for once let's just try to be with others instead of running away from them.

And even though feminism has a lot to do with relationships, pseudo feminism has no role to play in it.