Skip to main content

The Neck Band- Dilli-wali :-/

Did the title to this post seem problematic to you? If not, then think again.

It had hardly been a month in Delhi and my friends from school started calling me Dilli-wali. Unaware whether it was a compliment or a comment, I ignored it and tried to fight the depression I was going through in the first month of my college because I couldn’t accept the people I met. I barely knew anyone. I was homesick. And people at home, Odisha, called me Dilli-wali. The Delhites called me south Indian. And there I was lying in the bed of my tiny rented room, sharing it with two strangers who were quite contrary to me in nature, thinking about the tags that I have been given. With my under graduate days coming to an end, I am proud to say that I survived three years in Delhi. Not that it’s a bad city to be in, but it gets quite chaotic in one’s head when one comes from a small town. But then, when is the human mind at peace?

In these three years I have wondered more than often, have I changed so much that people back home can’t accept me. I am still a spoilt stubborn brat and my parents are fed up of me. I like to wear same old baggy clothes and probably go shopping only when I have to. But this doesn’t mean that I do not like dressing up, because I do occasionally. I still feel more comfortable talking to boys than girls. Do not ask me why but this is the way I have been. Even if most of my friends here in Delhi have been girls, in crisis I call my boy friends first. Probably because somewhere within me I know, that girls around me live under the similar illusion of being free from the clutches of their parents but are tied in the end. And I do believe that boys enjoy a bit more freedom than girls in case they aren’t completely free. I still like to listen if someone needs to talk. People, emotions, relationships intrigue me in the same way as they did in school. But maybe I have changed. Probably because I am living in Delhi. Or the change occurred because after 18 years of living my life according to the people around me I was given a little freedom to exercise the to-do list I mentally prepared for myself, for a life in which I choose what to do and not to do. And Delhi obviously has been a factor.

I have been a Dilli-wali because I am busy and unable to meet people when they want me to, unable to talk/chat with them. I have been a Dilli-wali because I have the weird Delhi accent while talking. I have been a Dilli-wali because my photos on Fb say that I am enjoying the most in my life. I have been a Dilli-wali because my profile pictures look nice. I have been a Dilli-wali because I have become smarter. Or so I have been said.

This one’s for all my acquaintances who believe in the one aspect of Delhi that has been shown to them via movies or other sources of media. Delhi for me hasn’t been about wearing short clothes and going to discos every night, or getting myself drunk everyday and waking up with the hangover that keeps getting worse, or smoking for that matter. Delhi hasn’t been about going to Sarojini Nagar market or malls to buy clothes for every season, or circling CP with my friends at the dead of the night and shouting out loud. Delhi hasn’t been about meeting the handsome guys and changing boyfriends now and then. These might be the experiences of some, but these are not mine. And by this I do not mean to say that people in Delhi do these, it is just one aspect of this big city. Generalizing is obviously quite problematic.

So, what have I been doing in Delhi all these years? I have been struggling. I have been struggling to accept the people I meet. I have been struggling to accept the roommates I get every time I change the place. I have been struggling to manage my expenses with the pocket money I get. I have been struggling to manage the time between my studies and entertainment. I have been struggling to cook food for myself. I have been struggling with my laziness and carelessness. I have been struggling to make a place for myself. I have struggling to feel at home in my hostel room. I have been struggling to prove to people that my interest in books and the desire to be left alone with them doesn’t make me an alien. The same goes for my not-so-much-interest in dancing and shopping. I have been struggling to make the right decisions for myself. I have been struggling to camouflage in this city without the sense of alienation.

This post is quite a personal one and doesn’t mean to offend any set of people. I sat down to write this post because I was tired of being tagged by the region. I do not care if I belong to Odisha or I live in Delhi or look like a South Indian. All I care about is what I can do with myself when I am in these places. Delhi gave me the exposure, the platform where I could begin to live my life with my choices and decisions. So I was bound to change. I could have spent my nights in discos as people think of me but I chose to spend my nights with books and blog. Not that I will never step into a disc or dislike it but it isn’t my priority right now. The place we live in is always a factor in what we become but it’s not our only factor. I have been quite lucky with the friends I made here and even luckier with the few friends from my childhood who didn’t judge or tag me. They understood the change and accepted me and I am pretty sure they can never complain that I have no time for them. And honestly, it is okay if I am not accepted; it is just the neck band I have the problem with.

And for the people who think Delhi is the place to achieve all the material happiness then maybe yes, it is. But again it might haunt one with the sense of alienation and loneliness even with all the happiness like it does to me. It is not the place but the people who matter. I have enjoyed my three years to the fullest even when I was struggling but that doesn’t make me or anyone for that matter to be the pet so that a neck strap can be put on us.



PS- I also strongly dislike Scoopwhoop and other such pages which provide the people all over with 21 or whatsoever number of things to tag people with and encourage such tags.

Comments

Unknown said…
Ahhh.. I believe that , the tag of dilli wali , comes frm those who are not experiencing the lifeof dili, is it so ? And may b its a cool saying fr dem dat u r a dilli wali .? Nd being in this situation I kno how difficult it is to cope up with everything .. bt any ways I can say dat u r the same by morals nd true with ur doings, no mater what other people thinks while seeing ur profile pic... :)
Pramod said…
It hardly matters what others think of you. But it matters what you think of yourself. Be blessed.

Popular posts from this blog

Leukemia... Not Just a Disease!

People who have not suffered from leukemia think it is a deadly disease, obviously they’re right and for people who come to know that they’re suffering from leukemia are most of the times devastated, provided they know what leukemia is! And as far as my reaction is concerned…well then I was not in a state of shock because then I just knew I had some kind of a problem in my blood and I did not even know leukemia is blood cancer. It was 6 months after my treatment started that I came to know what Leukemia is…Thanks to my Grandfather! Even then I wasn’t upset much, probably just a bit, as I knew I am going to be fine. For me, Leukemia was never just a disease, when I say never I mean it. It has given a meaning to my life. My stay in CMC, Vellore and my Leukemia has taught me a lot of things which some people fail to learn and realize in their life time. Here are six of my realizations:          There is no bigger exam than LIFE itself - Life is t...

Why am I Single? ? ?

  Because I have built walls around my heart. So even if someone starts getting close to me they cannot penetrate through the walls as I have used Ambuja cement. [:-P] And if by any chance I get a proposal, I am angry about it. So you see, NO chance!   Because I cannot imagine falling in love, not that it is something to imagine but still ‘Me in Love' is the joke of my life and I can really laugh about it for hours. In fact I have been laughing for a long while now. [Hopeless Romantic of all times.]   Because even though it was for a short time period but I had the best relationship which had no demands, no expectations, and no complaints. When they started arising, the relationship ended. [:-P] Because I cannot tolerate any kind of dominance and the ones I see these days, ‘Why do you upload your photo on FB’ ‘Deactivate your account’ ‘You can’t talk to other guys’ ‘you can’t click a photo with them because you’re with me’ 'blah blah blah'  are ...

Dear Hypothetical Kids, For once Moon was your Mother's Muse!

I spent the entire day reading about the once-in-a-lifetime lunar eclipse.  Super Blue Blood moon.  ‘Can the name not be short?’, I thought just like I had thought about my cancer - Pre B Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia, ten years ago. I saw people sharing the time of eclipse’s visibility in different places.  ‘Ahh, not in India.’ Cool things never happen in India,  sighed the multiple-times-disappointed-kid in me.  But, then. I saw someone share the time of visibility in the metro cities of India.  I googled immediately, ‘Lunar eclipse visibility in Hyderabad.’ I saw many articles describing the reasons behind this particular eclipse being unique. I gave it a thought, not much. I am not one of those moon-watchers, you see. The idea of moon’s beauty brought the idea of longing lovers.  I tried, I tried really hard, to bring together love, longing, and moon. It never happened. But, for a little while, somewhere in my...