The Unforgettable Desire

It is kind of devastating when a random person walks up to you and speaks the truth you were running away from. How can a person spending most of the time of the day with you not know your insecurities but a stranger gets it. It shatters you. You thought that you had been doing your part well. You thought that no one knows what’s within you but then suddenly out of nowhere a stranger comes and asks you to answer honestly if you’re happy with yourself or not. And no matter how much you laugh in the front your face then shows the truth. You can’t meet their eyes because you’re afraid that the beans will be spilled. Or worse, you may just have an emotional break down or an outburst. Everything that you had kept hidden within you may just be found out. It’s devastating to know that your mask failed you and you did not play it well. Everything you were running away from surrounds you from every single direction leaving no space for you to breathe, to let the sunshine in. It is dark and yo...

In my one year stay as a paying guest, there hadn’t been a month when I did not say that I was broke. My roommate and I joked about how we spent most of our pocket money in the first half of the month and then spent it as less as possible because we always ran out of it. She was the one who believed in saving some part of the money every month and I was the one who believed in ‘spending everything here and now.’ Those days were fun and I never actually ran out of all the money! Even if I had just 10 bucks in my wallet I knew I could get 1000 bucks or more out from the next ATM on my way. And then a couple of days back, I lost my wallet! That, my friend, you call the moment of really being broke. That day one of my classmates lost her wallet in the bus, a week before that my ex-roommate lost her wallet too. So I thought that I should be extra careful while travelling in buses or maybe I will be the next person without her wallet. Guess what! Being extra careful actually made my wa...

A couple of months back when I was at Christian Medical College, Vellore for my half yearly checkups, my blood reports showed an increment in the normal sugar level. It wasn’t high but it was marginal, mostly on the higher side. It had been the same 6 months ago too. I had considered myself lucky enough for not getting another bunch of medicines for controlling my sugar level. But during the last meet, the doctor mentioned that if the level doesn’t come down then I may have to take insulin injections every night. Needles do not scare me, they never did. What does scare me is the thought of not leading a normal life or what I think normal to be. Millions of teenagers may be suffering from cancer in the world, but I do not really care or at least I do not want to. The happiest moment during my CMC days was when my doctor said after the treatment got over that “You’re a free bird now.” After four long years of medication, injections, side effects, it was one thing that gave me the p...

Scars! Scars! Scars! I have often heard that scars aren’t something that you should be ashamed of; they are a sign that you have struggled and survived! Scars aren’t something that needs to be hidden; instead they are something to be shown off with pride. Every single scar has a legendary story buried in it and it speaks louder than the sword that caused it. My body had several scars when I came out of the Intensive Care Unit after a seven day stay [17 June 2008- 24 June2008] which gave almost everyone around me a mini heart attack. I have a quite vague memory of those days. It would be totally fine to say that I remember almost everything of my five year treatment but almost nothing about those seven days in the ICU. People say it is a good thing. I wish it were! I keep wondering what happened to me in that chamber? My parents, when asked, say that I was surrounded by all kinds of medical equipments that they had ever seen. They did not even know what was needed for what. Ev...